Recently I had the privilege of seeing David Brooks, columnist for the NY Times, interviewed about his latest book, How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen.
I was deeply touched by his comments. Partly because his message aligns with my work helping organizations and people figure out what matters to them. And part of what matters starts with, “I matter”, the feeling and belief that we are seen, the core premise of his book.
During the interview, he used a phrase that caught my attention, “social trust” and talked about “trust as a measure of moral health”.
I couldn’t help but think about the stories we hear every day about how divided we are from each other. That we’ve lost a belief in shared facts.
Even though we’re served this message constantly, I’m beginning to question whether or not it’s true. The idea of social trust reminded me to reflect on what I’m hearing in the media vs. what I see around me, which is a whole lot of good.
So how do we build social trust when we’re told that it’s ‘those other people’s fault’ and instead believe in the goodness of our neighbors all over the globe? Here are two simple steps you can take.
Get out. Outside your bubble, your habits and routines. Explore something new. When was the last time you challenged your own thinking, belief systems, or biases? It seems to me that one way to combat “othering” is to expand the possibilities for our life. Part of getting outside our bubble is to experience a different way of being. To walk at least a few steps in someone else’s shoes so that we can no longer judge them. We have no idea what they’re going through.
Spiritually we’re taught that we’re made in the image and likeness of God, connecting us all at our deepest level. Assuming that’s true, how can we live that principle more fully?
Maybe it’s time to build a habit of thinking as WE instead of as US and THEY.
Serve! People who serve have been proven to be incredibly good at building relationships, and isn’t that what we need more of? And, yes, I know you’re busy, and that you think you don’t have time. But we all have time for what we prioritize, right? Because generally, when we serve, we get outside of our ME-self and learn about others.
What if you spent an hour during the coming week pondering ideas for where and how you might serve others? Then what if the next week, you spent an hour researching groups or organizations that align with your desires? When you break down a new initiative into bite-sized pieces, you CAN make time to serve, and in the process you’ll be building social trust, which seems like a worthy starting point.
I invite you to reframe your thoughts about our differences into thoughts about how we’re the same. And all of the research supports our commonality. Which brings us back to WE.
Make a list of 5-10 ways that you imagine you are the same as someone who lives across the globe from you. I think it’s one small step to help you resist the masses who too quickly disparage ‘others’.
While making this list, you may want to listen to one of my favorite songs by Charley Thweatt, Leningrad. It was written on a trip to Russia many years ago with Alan Cohen and speaks to this exact exercise.
I’d love to hear at least one way you imagine we’re all the same! Comment below to share your thoughts.
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